Literally one year ago I posted a video about my journey to self-acceptance whilst in the Colombian Amazon. [watch here]
I won’t go into the full details as you can watch the video yourself but essentially I had received a message from micro dosing Ayahuasca that I didn’t need more medicine, all I needed to do was accept myself, all of my life and every part of my being.
Well that journey continued long after leaving the Amazon, into Ecuador and eventually back home with me to a quiet sleepy English village and my family home, where I have been since last December figuring the next phase of my life out.
I have had to sit down to a big bowl of self-acceptance, and it’s only been the last couple of weeks that I’ve finally eaten the last spoonful, it’s been quite the journey.
I ran out of money and online PT clients in South America and was forced to call my journey a day and come back home.
Firstly, I’m so grateful to still have a family home and a mum and step father who happily took me in.
I also arrived at the perfect time, as 2 months before my stepfather had had a small heart attack and was recovering slowly, which was putting pressure on my Mum who now needed two cataract eye operations and couldn’t drive.
So it was divine timing that I was sent home to support them as chief dish washer and chauffeur for the next 6 months until May.
It was beautiful that I was able to be there for them and that i was also given a roof over my head and food on the table, but it came with a deepening of the self-acceptance lesson.
At 45 with no home or means to get one and finally realising that I had to let go of personal training from my life to step into a new chapter of conscious coaching, there was a lot going on that I was forced to accept about my life, who I am and where I am, it hasn’t been easy.
I also began working in the village café as soon as I got home for 1-2 days per week washing dishes, making food, serving customers and being part of a great little team, this also forced me into a deeper level of self-acceptance.
None of this was who I wanted to be or where I wanted to be but I had no choice, than to be present and accept it, with deep gratitude.
I even landed myself a job as a Personal Trainer at PureGym but resigned after two shifts, realising that it just wasn’t me anymore, I couldn’t do it and lie to myself, I had to let go of this identity if I wanted to move on.
I then went through 2-3 months of job searching and was turned down for everything I applied for but landed a second interview as a men’s relationship coach, finally something that felt perfect for me and then ‘thanks but no thanks’ came through my email.
This was a deep and challenging time, I was feeling pressure from within me and around me. I’m 45 I shouldn’t be here now I should be moving on, I want to be moving on but it feels like something is blocking me!
I then went through a transformative 2-3 weeks of self-reflection, I let go of old habits that I felt were distracting me and taking my energy and essence. I looked at and spoke to my shadow, I integrated my dark side and realised I just had to be fully present with what is and ACCEPT IT ALL!
I was going deep within me to fully see and accept my inner worth without the need for anything external to validate me.
It was during this period when I feel I went through the FINAL LAYER OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE, the end of level BOSS!
I was considering those automatic judgement programs that fire off in our sub-conscious minds, that no one else hears and that we don’t know where they came from.
Well, I caught and spoke to mine, realising that all those split second judgements that are directed externallly to others were in fact the same judgements I placed on myself.
“As within, so without.”
And one day I had an epiphany I had this voice in my head that said…
“Until you see God in everyone and everything outside of yourself, you will not accept the God within you.”
By not seeing that in everyone and everything outside of me was in fact a deep reflection of me not accepting myself fully and completely.
BOOM Mic drop moment!!
It fascinated me that I could consciously know and feel this when I on my own but would automatically forget it when I was in the presence of others and hijacked by my sub-conscious programming.
It’s a work in progress but I am gradually programming my inner autoresponder when it sees another to say…
“Hey look there’s god, and there’s god, and there’s another god.”
It has given me a deep sense of presence, awe and wonder to start seeing God in everyone and everything, fascinated by the shapes and forms that God appears to me everyday before my eyes.
I am finally seeing God fully in myself and in doing so I am fully accepting who I am and where I am in my life.
Seeing God in Everyone and Everything, is paradoxically the final layer of self-acceptance.
In my next video I’ll explain where the game has taken me next!!
If you’re interested in working with me as your 1-2-1 Coach guiding you to a deeper understanding of yourself so that you can live a life full of Abundance, Joy and Freedom then click here for more information and let’s have a conversation…